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Breaking the most basic rules of human conduct. Tuesday, January 08, 2002 6:34 AM I have made several rules of conduct for myself that appear to be true, or close to it, meaning that in every instance that I have broken them, I have gotten hurt - The most fundamental of these rules is that there is a prerequisite - a requirement for being in a real heart-to-heart intimate relationship with me. That requirement is simply that the partner is NOT in an intimate relationship with someone else. Part of this rule is justified simply because being in love is mostly about exploring trust and overcoming fear, and tearing down walls, and because that kind of intimacy is difficult enough to achieve and maintain w/o adding the fear and frustration of sharing your love with another party (the third party) and his or her needs and desires and anxieties, and this is next-to-impossible when the third party is someone with whom you are not in love. So you can try to pretend that someone is only in love with you, and that their "other" relationship - their relationship with the third party (be it wife or mother or clinging "ex" or their job - or their other mistress) is of no consequence, because it is not really true, and you know that you are not fooling anyone. It is NOT your job to help someone find their way out of a bad relationship. That is their own problem, and before they can really meet you, naked and whole, they have to do their job. Because ultimately it is more about commitment than about passion. |